Where to start....I just need to vent and thought this might be an ok venue to do so. I am not looking for pity or for 'you are such a great person" comments...Just need to vent.
The other day my neice who had neve met me called me "Chubby". I have never really cared about what others thought of me and have pretty much always had a good self image. I was also never the skinnny binny one--never. Not in highschool. I was never the big girl either. I was happy with who I was and what I was doing and didn't care to be the skinny one.
Then, I grow up, get married--and HAVE A BABY. I am going to be honest. I gained 60 pounds durning my pregnancy. If you have read my blog before, you know how hard the pregnancy was on my body. It had never been the same since. When my old boss got down to her pre baby size in just a few months I asked her her secret. She said " Nothing...I don't have time to work out."
Ok, stab number one. Backtrack again ----I have always had a pet peeve with the skinnies. When an obviously skinny girl complains about being fat ( and I am obviously not smaller than her), I say "so what does that make me. A whale?"
The response is usually " I am fat--FOR ME." Ok again...
So now I am not the skinny girl or even the average girl, I am the chubby girl. I can't explain how those words have affected me and torn me down. I think about those chubby kids in highschool that you always hear are being made fun of and have new eyes for them. Can people really destroy other people?
The worst part is that I really feel like I have tried to do so much to get back to the other me ( I didn't mention I have not lost ANY of my baby weight) and that I don't really listen to anyone. I hear mom's say " boy, I know, losing that baby weight." Then I look at them and how thin they are and it bugs me even more.
I, am no longer going to be a victim. I am not going to use my diabetes as an excuse. I will continue to try my hardest. I am so grateful to have the most amamzing husband who is so understanding and loves me for me. Thanks Babe---I would be a wreck without you right now. Life will go on........