Real love

Our Internet has been fickle lately so I have not been using my blog as my outlet for my thoughts. On that note, I have a flood of thoughts that I feel I need to write down and this is the spot I am choosing to do it.

I love my daughter so much. She really s my world (this is not a new thought, and I have expressed it several times before). Yesterday she was extremely sick and throwing up...That is ONE THING that has always been a weakness of mine. Can't handle it. If I see it happening, I usually end up doing it myself.

As I cleaned her for the umpteenth time, trying desperately hard not to throw up myself, i just stared at her and felt this overwhelming love for my daughter. I kept thinking " i really must love you if I can stomach this, especially while being pregnant."


Today was recovery day. After a long long night, Andy decided to curl up on my lap at 11 am and take a nap...meaning that was all I would be doing until she was done. When she was done, she woke up, screamed, took off her pajamas and her diaper and would not let me put on another one. She then proceed to bang her head and feet against the wall and other places, producing blood....when she finally gave up, fell in my arms and fell asleep. This process of sleeping, then screaming continued the whole entire day.

We have come to the end of our long exhausting day, and I just put my screaming child in her crib and let her scream. Then I went back and she was quit. I told her I would stay with her. She just wanted the comfort of having mom around. I sat on the floor next to her crib and sobbed. I kept thinking, "this has been the worst day ever....Yet, one of the greatest."

There is something about being the only one that can comfort your child, that thing that only comes with being a mother. That thing that shows it is the hardest, yet greatest "thing" in the whole world.

Again, I felt an overwhelming love for my little gal and appreciation for her in my life and the role I am to her. I wanted nothing but to remember those feelings, which is what lead me to this point.

I am so happy to be having another little one and pray that I have it in me to give him or her the best possible! I thank my father every day for this gift, for my children...They indeed are the biggest trial and the biggest blessing I will ever know...I believe that is my definition of real love