A Friday Night

Andy is taking a late nap (which means momma won't be sleeping tonight) and Steve is at work, so I thought I would ramble on my blog while I had a minute. I know this is just the beginning of missing Steve as we haven't even started medical school, but I am already struggling with the thought of Steve being gone all the time.

This causes me to think of those who have gone before, those who have been supportive of their loved ones furthering their education and it gives me strength. It makes me know that it is a hard, long road but it is possible.

A weakness of mine is that I have a tendency to reflect my current fears or fears of the future on a problem in the moment that has nothing to do with the moment, thus ruining the best outcome of a current situation. IE..
---When we don't have a lot of time together as a family, I project my future fear of having even LESS time (knowing that as a family gets bigger and a husband is in medical school that will in fact be the case), and let those frustrations emanate and make the situation even harder. Thus, not enjoying the current moments I have and taking advantage of them.

Why do we do this to ourselves? I can blame no one but myself and my weaknesses. My one comfort is that many of my weaknesses are in fact my strengths where it is written in Ether 12:27.

Why when we are coming down on ourselves do we come down on even harder on those around us? I know that I have many weaknesses, but I am learning to trust more in my strengths and capabilities, the talents which I have to offer.

One of my favorite shows is AMERICAN IDOL. I am not sure why. Maybe because it is a talent show, and I just love watching people sing. Maybe it is because I feel that if my entire family, including my husband were to go on we would BLOW them away with the fact that we ALL sing and enjoy it TOGETHER. Maybe it's because I love that others have the courage to put themselves out there and put everything on the line for a dream, to invest in their talents. It causes me to want to do more with my own.

I also enjoy watching Biggest Loser. I laugh at the irony of me sitting and watching OTHER people work out and making an effort to improve their lives, while i am standing by. I have resolved to do my own little exercise program during that program. I am glad that it has motivated me to take my own action and take better care of my self.

Having said that, there is much we all need to do to improve. I am more aware of this having a child than ever. I don't want her to learn bad habits or examples from her mother. I want her to look at her momma as a good example of someone she can be like. I am so grateful I have the gospel that teaches me that it is ok to be me, and i can point my daughter in that direction and tell her about a savior that loves her even more than I do. And because of him, it is ok that we have out weaknesses, as long as we are trying to always improve and be our best. That thought is what gets me through a FRIDAY NIGHT.