You know those mom's whose kid's hair always seems to be perfectly done? Whose kids sit perfectly quiet, entertained and still during a church meeting. The mom's whose house you walk in and their house is just clean clean clean. Those mom's who always have a HEALTHY MEAL prepared at morning, noon and night for their family to feast upon. Those mom's who have a schedule for their kids, and they follow it. Those mom's whose kids are brilliant cause they have the patience to spend five hours a day teaching and drilling their kids. The kind of mom who is friends with everyone and manages to run the PTA, and all other events in life and keep it together! Those mom's who after all this still manage to have perfect hair makeup, and manage those HEELS. ( and yes, I do know plenty of people who are THAT--- a SUPERMOM---I wish I could be like you Sara, Page, Becky, Bev.....etc....)
Well, I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE MOMS! I am not even close...
It all started with those dang HEELS. .......
Besides barely having the energy to pour cereal for my oldest in the morning...I am lucky to get her dressed with a diaper (yep, she is 3 and not potty trained...uh huh--) let alone pretend to do her hair.
After getting my gals all ready for church, I thought today I might have a shower and try to look presentable. After my short --not long enough at all--shower (can't leave them alone too long) , I pull my hair in a pony and put on mascara. I thought, I just shaved, I want to try some heels today ...Maybe I might feel even a smidgen of pretty today.
BAD IDEA...VERY VERY BAD IDEA. Of course, I trip all over the place and can barely walk. Who am I kidding really? How am I going to take my UHAUL of a diaper bag, the baby car seat and ANDY, while smiling and walking in heels? All the SUPERMOMS out there manage to do it, plus all their other SUPERMOM feats, I just want to conquer the heels...PLEASE, JUST THE HEELS!
To no avail. I made it to church and the heels came right off. I wasn't even going to pretend to smile. Keeping it real--I break down real easy. !! Sitting in church thinking of how messy my house is and how I never seem to have any energy to do anything about that! Wondering if my daughter will forgive me for having leftovers for the fourth night in a row...Looking around me at amazing people who seem to have it together. And I have NO excuse at all. I am blessed to be at home with my gals, so what is my problem? Look at those supermoms (and they really are just being moms most of them...not going above and beyond...just being themselves...,)
They have it so together, they wouldn't even make me feel bad for being insane. They all try and give me some great advice---try putting your kids to bed at a certain time, have your daughter help you more, take YOU time. While I appreciate the advice, I KNOW ME.
I am not meant to be a SUPERMOM (the best is most supermoms are in denial of it and would not just admit how great they are)...and I am ok with that. My gals are loved, very loved, they get fed and they get their momma! I have the blessed opportunity to be a momma, and there were plenty of times in my life I never thought that was a possibility on so many levels! I know I am inadequate, but that's ok..
I have learned I can't do it alone ...I know the saviour will pick up my slack. He will lift me when I need lifting. If I look to him and point my children to him, then I know I am doing what I need to. I am so glad that I know this. I would crumble and fall apart ( I feel like I do that anyways) without this knowledge. I am so glad for the strength I receive and the help I get. I am glad I have someone I can vent all my frustrations and anxieties to...an outlet (kind of using this blog for that too huh?)
On that note, I better go get my gal who isn't taking her nap. So much for alone time!
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10 comments:
You are a GREAT mom. You love your kids and are doing the best that you can. I sometimes wonder what motivates some of us moms to do what we do. What motivates me to do what I do. Is it for the label "supermom"? I sure hope not. Hopefully it's for the family and one's own happiness. I know you know this, but I am reminded of the well-known scripture: Mosiah 4:27. Much love to you!
Just remember, everyone has their trials in life...things they struggle with--even if they don't seem noticeable. I have to tell you one thing--it gets easier to clean house and have personal time when the kids are a little older. Just keep doing what you're doing--loving your babies! Don't be discouraged. One thing at a time--we are not required to run faster than we can walk. I doubt your ward, or anyone else for that matter, is judging you. You're dealing with a lot right now. Ask for a priesthood blessing if you need comfort and strength. I love you--Jae
I have sat in church so many times and looked around and felt exactly the same way. And whenever I have a breakdown and cry to my husband I always end up saying something pathetic like, "...and I KNOW all the other girls' at church's houses are clean right now, and mine is a DISASTER." Funny thing is, I think it's not true! I think none of us are super moms, and we all think everyone else is! Love your perspective on it though, and I will try and think more like that.
I love that all my comments are from the supermoms themselves.! I wish I could be like all of you---so together, always being involved and doing so many things for your kids. What awesome examples! Nice to know that sometimes you feel a little inadequate yourselves!
I feel like that ALL the time! Everyone seems to have things more together than me. My dishes aren't done, I need to clean my bathrooms, I vacuumed my bedroom for the first time in a few months today and had to take the vacuum apart because I sucked up a piece of yarn that started burning. To top it off, my 3 1/2 year old refuses to potty train. But, at the end of the day I look back at the time spent with my girls and I know that they love me.
"I hope my children look back on today and see a mother who had time to play!
Children grow up while you're not looking. There will be years ahead for cleaning and cooking.
So quiet now cobwebs; dust go to sleep. I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep." --Anonymous
I don't know anyone that loves more deeply than you! I know we were just talking a few minutes ago, but I hope you stumble on this comment randomly tomorrow while I'm away (last day of the week on!). You're constantly picking up the slack that I leave behind, and I admire the genuine, loving, inspiring person that you are!
You're an amazing person Jamie....noone is really a supermom. Everyone is really good at a few things, and just because it seems like they have it all together doesn't mean they really do. Things get easier as your kids get older also - you have two tiny girls. I have felt that at times also but I don't think it's good to compare yourself to others. Just look at your strengths and build on them. It's nice to hear reality sometimes though. Sometimes I think blogs only show the good and give us a fake view on life!! Love you!
It is really nice to hear that one of those women whom I believe to be a supermom feels like she can't keep it together all the time. My boys keep me hopping and I haven't been able to do anything without help yet. I hope it gets better. Thanks for letting me know there are others like me!
I'm sure you've seen this. If not--watch it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHDvxPjsm8E
Being supermom is not the point. Just being a mom is. I love my mom---but I love her more for the example she gave me of NOT being a supermom--of NOT joining in on the "popularity" contest--the putting down ourselves by coveting what we think others have that we don't. She NEVER joined the PTA---because she didn't have the money, nor was so "for" the Super "Mormon" mommy persona that some women seemed to use PTA for. She did volunteer at our schools and in our classrooms when she could. But, she did not dedicate her life to things other than being a mom, working as hard as she could (and she had many health problems, so working was more difficult), and teaching her children to enjoy home and family. She did do certain things to "control the environment" once she could--like once she had an actual house, and a finished basement, the TV and our toys were "banished" to the basement--mainly so she could have one room (the living room) that stayed clean. But otherwise, the house was not ever always clean. People sometimes tried to give her the "persona" of "supermom"--and were surprised when I would openly dis what their persona of my mother was--as their ideal was not what she was.
I can tell you this....what I learned from her example (and I still have to remind myself of this everyday) is to give myself credit for what I Do do, instead of what I don't. To give myself credit for the dishes getting done--but more so, for giving myself credit for the good I do in the world for other people. I have a favorite song by Brad Paisley called "Time Well Wasted"---and when Satan tries to "get" me with jealousy, coveting what others have, or the persona they seem to have (or the one I think they have)...and/or trying to make me feel guilty for spending time with my nieces and nephews, or serving in the church instead of working on that journal article, or "keeping up" with whatever "Jones" is on my mind, often the Lord has blessed me with having that song come to my mind..reminding me that usually, it is those times that we think are "wasted" that are actually the most important to others.
Oh--and (although I am as guilty as the next woman for wearing heels when I shoudln't have) as someone with horrible feet--I vote we all throw out the heels.
That's my 2 cents!
Mary P.
You are a great Mom! Just remember that MOST people have trials and struggles that you may not be aware of. We all like to put on a happy face and pretend that we may not be facing difficulties, but I promise you we all have them. I remember being a young mom and saying the exact same things you are saying, but guess what, my kids are older and I am still saying them. The only difference is that the older I get, the less I am caring about what others do and have. Truly, I am just so grateful that I have good kids and an Awesome husband. I may not have all the worldly things, but I have what is most important, and trust me, it has taken me a very long time to realize and appreciate that. Just hang in there and realize that you are doing the best you can and that is all that matters. You will look back one day and laugh and ask yourself why you ever cared about wanting to wear heels, by the way, WHATEVER on that one. Who even wants to wear heels, not I. I think women my age who stay at home and dress up and wear heels, are seriously Lacking in some are of their lives. Sorry to say it, but I just love my jeans and t-shirts. When Matti sees some of our neighbor moms outside, she says "oh here come the desperate housewives" We laugh so hard. Please, can't they just be a mom. I would rather look and act like a mom, than a teenager wannabe. Okay, I may be offending several people right now, but I'm just sayin......Anyways, just want you to know that we all beat ourselves up at one time or another, for really no reason at all. I remember when I used to worry so much about what other Mom's thought of me, what clothes I wear, is my house clean enough, etc. Chris would always say, "Don't flatter yourself, how do you know anyone even cares about it" He is so right! Well, I have talked your ear off, yada yada yada. Hope you have a great day.
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