Thursday, January 31, 2008

Thoughts on the Viewing of President Hinckley

I was thinking about how we aren't sure how much longer we are going to live in Utah. And, the viewing of President Hinckley was today so we wanted to take advantage while we could and go to (besides the fact that I really felt the need).
I wasn't exactly sure where it was, but that was no problem since we drove past the conference center and saw hoard of people in a line(expected around 60,000 or so a day). We figured they could at least guide us. Steve did the parking and I took Andy--all bundled up and waited in line.

Andrea had the best spirit about her. She was smiling and giggling, and making those around her happy as we were standing in the absolute freezing cold. I tried to keep the wind from blowing her. I know, she looks like a little pioneer--but it was blocking the wind (she even wore a dress, but you can't see).
(this was us waiting outside in line to get in--it was really cold)
We were not allowed our cameras inside, just while we were waiting...


An older man (an usher of some sort) came up to us and said "would you please follow me." Ok, what is going on.

We followed him to a heater. We stayed at the heater for about half a second when he guided us inside. I was so worried about having her in the cold, and someone must have felt that and did a tremendously good deed and let us go inside and not even wait in line. It was then I realized "wait, we have our baby with us at the conference center. Wait, there are other babies."

I then went to an usher and asked how the whole thing worked. She said that we would go in the conference center, and be seated and wait to ride the escalator to go to the presidents hall to see our prophet. This is the hall where they have all the paintings of the apostles and first presidency.

This is one of the few, if not the only event that we could bring little andy to. I thought that was amazing--how wonderful that she gets to be a part of it with us---and interesting that this is the ONE thing she can.

I was thinking about that as we were sitting in the conference center...looking around at all the people there to pay their respects . They had the motab playing in the background and everyone was very reverent. There was a very calming spirit there. Just peaceful and wonderful to see how loved he was.

We went to the hall of prophets and waited in another line. In this line they had pictures of the apostles and first presidency. Steve stayed in line while I took Andy around and showed her all their pictures and explained who they all were. She had a smile on her face the entire time. Everyone could feel of her little spirit. WE then went were Pres. Hinckley was and got to see him very briefly.

As I looked at him all in white, I was thinking about the temple and how I just love that he was in white. I thought of how Steve wore white for our wedding, and was loving it even more. I started my eternity with him and I all in white. Hinckley was passing through to another part of his eternity all in white.
It was all very brief, maybe 20 seconds, and we were told we had to move on. It was peacful as we walked and saw flowers from his family, and cards from primary kids. I didn't count ALL of his great grandchildren, but I got to 64 when we had to move on.

I am so glad we were able to go. I just needed that spiritual moment with my family. I will forever be grateful for the Prophet President Hinckley and his impact on all our lives. What a man of integrity. I will love to share with Andy when she is older that she was able to go and see President Hinckley with her mom and dad. What an experience that we were so grateful to attend, and hope that those are family who wished there were there could somehow go vicariously through us.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Living with Perfection...


When you see that beautiful smile, how does your heart not just melt?


Babies truly are perfect...think about it...They can't sin, they don't know how to be bad. They are perfect beings here to bring joy to everyone around them. Steve was commenting to me the other day that "wow, we are living with a perfect person. Can you believe that?"

I really can't believe it! She is just the happiest girl and is learning so fast. Whenever Steve comes home she just smiles and lights up. It is so fun to watch. She cannot yet sit up or crawl, but somehow she manages to move from one position to another, and face different directions. I am in no rush for her to be mobile, yet want her to get the hang of it soon...hmm.. Andy does this little grunt thing that I can't quite understand. She just grunts. We laugh when she does it. It is her form of communication. I love my little ball of perfection!

“When God wants a great work done in the world or a great wrong righted, he goes about it in a very unusual way.

He doesn’t stir up his earthquakes or send forth his thunderbolts. Instead, he has a helpless baby born, perhaps in a simple home and of some obscure mother.

And then God puts the idea into the mother’s heart, and she puts it into the baby’s mind. And then God waits.

The greatest forces in the world are not the earthquakes and the thunderbolts. The greatest forces in the world are babies.”
-E.T. Sullivan, quoted by President Hinckley

Elections and MITT ROMNEY!

So I wasn't going to start this on my blog cause I was just going to keep it family stuff (which is why I have a whole blog for IDOL). ..(Although it is fascinating that I have had more hits and comments on my idol blog than the family blog..just an interesting little insight.) After reading my sister's blog, I felt I needed to just rant on my own. This is kind of a mini journal and elections is what happening at the time, so why not?

I love ELECTION YEAR ! I love how it makes me feel patriotic. I remember the last election. I was in a political sociology class (perfect for election year). My teachers were telling me how my vote statistically doesn't count, yet I really need to vote, in fact it was my grade. How contradictory! We watched the elections and had a big AMERICAN flag that we colored after the results were posted! Fun TIMES! Anyway--I am going to come out and say it! I support Mitt Romney 100%.

I did not fully support him originally simply because he was a Mormon. I do not feel you should support someone just because they are the same color or gender as you, or whatever... So, I did not want to back someone up just because he was my same religion (in other words, I didn't really know about him at that point and what he stood for). I heard of too many people liking him ( just like they go with other candidates) simply because he was mormon--which, sad to say, does not necessarily make you a good candidate (however, in this case, it does cause he is great)! I want to back up a candidate because I know the issues and I know how they handle it, and believe in what they are doing and how they stand for it.I agree with my sister that the system is broken. The way we handle elections really is not for our one voice---it worked when it was first set up, but times have changed...AMERICA is BIGGER...etc..

I am not going to rant about how good or bad any candidates are. This is not what this is about. I think everyone should decide for themselves. I think it is beyond party. Just because someone is a democrat or republican does not mean their views are accurate simply because you are a republican or democrat yourself.

We need to get involved, and know the issues, and not go in blindly voting. We might have to study it out ourselves, and remember that Media is not always accurate. Media tells you what they want you to believe. It is fascinating how in one story 40% is nothing, and in another it is huge! Statistics can be misleading.

I don't want to talk about this on my blog too much cause it is too big for me. I do not claim to understand the process or all of the situations. I do believe I have a voice and an opinion. I believe that some politicians can be bought or will shake your hand simply for a vote. I also believe that others, such as Mitt Romney, will not sway from what they said, or put on a show simply to put on a show.

I just want to again say that I WILL BE VOTING and I WILL BE DOING MY OWN RESEARCH. I urge you all to do the same. Do not be ignorant--get involved. I believe our voices can be heard! I believe that we should get involved in what is happening in our country...and my voice will be heard!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Don't grow up too fast!




I know all I ever post about is the baby and me but since I am a full time mom and that job NEVER stops, even if we ever get a babysitter---it is my entire life.

Last night I had an interesting experience. Andy sleeps in a little play pen right next to our bed (it is the only thing we can afford and the only space we have). She cried out and I leaned over to look at her and she seemed fine, just wanted to cry or something. So I tried to go back to sleep. This continued for a while and then I finally got her out of her play pen.

I am not sure exactly how much time had passed since I think I fell back asleep. When I picked her up she was wet all over. I kept thinking--"how in the world did this happen?"


Come to find out, her diaper was only HALF on. I half laughed half cried at the thought of how this could have happened as I swear I was careful with her diaper!



On that note, I find it interesting that my feelings for my baby can be somewhat of an oxymoron. See, of course I want her to get big and learn to crawl and talk and walk. At the same time, I love having my little baby. I love that she NEEDS me and get tired of it at the same time. I tell her that she will never understand just how much I love her (that is until she has her own little girl). They grow up too fast for my liking. She has gotten so big in just a few short months I just can't handle it!

(One day our ENTIRE Family will be in a pic again)---we hope soon!

I love how much joy she brings me and happiness to our home. I love that what she says goes--literally she rules the house. I love that I can tell her about everything and even though she can't tell me, I feel she understands.

---More on the Prophet----

The other day I was so sad about our prophet dying that I just had to hold ANDY and tell her "Now, this was your first Prophet. I know you won't remember him much, but he was a wonderful man. And momma is sad right now."

I want to go to his viewing this week, so if we end up making it, I will definitely have some feelings to share. Last night they did a tribute to President Hinckley and showed a man of integrity . I watched it while Steve was at work. Now, I have seen it before several times. Of course it took on a new light after his death. He truly was a remarkable man and did so much for the church and for everyone he knew, including the students of BYU. I feel I need to go through my own mourning process. I forgot how he had the best sense of humor. I don't remember laughing so much during conference and other talks.

Little Andy will have a new prophet that she can listen to. I will, however, tell her stories of her momma's prophet and how he touched her life. For now I am just so grateful for the joy Andrea brings to our lives and just pray for her happiness and well being.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

We Thank Thee Oh GOD For A PROPHET






I just heard the news that President Hinckley has died!
I wish I had the words to
adequately describe my thoughts and feelings at the moment. I just listened to a news broadcast on channel 13 fox where the broadcaster said that "President Hinckley has done more and seen more than ANY other LDS Prophet, save Joseph Smith alone." I could not agree more!

This man was beyond remarkable for me. He is a true leader and a true example and servant of the Lord. I know there is an order in the church, and we will all be fine and there will be a new prophet, but for the moment I am mourning the loss of one of the greatest men in existence.


I think I can speak for a lot of people when I say that he was MY PROPHET. By that I mean that he was the prophet that I remember. I was really young for all of the other prophets. President Hinckley has been the prophet of my youth, young adult and adult years. He has been the one that I have listened to, that has known what I needed to hear through these growing years in my life.
He has been the prophet that has been around the longest for me. He has been so very active and highly involved. I am so saddened, he is truly going to be missed. I am happy that he gets to be with his wife. He has spoken many times of how much he misses her.President Hinckley has done so much for Brigham Young University. He made an impact on what it stands for and means. I hope you can click the link and see BYU's Tribute to President Hinckley.

One experience I remember with President
Hinckley was in 1997 after the HUGE PIONEER TREK had ended in Salt Lake at the 24th of July Parade. President Hinckley spoke. He wore a cowboy hat and a huge smile. I remember him winking at the crowd, and thinking--"wow--I didn't know they could wear cowboy hats and be so cool!"

President
Hinckley was a true leader and follower and testifier of Christ. He lead by example and testimony. He didn't just talk about doing things, he went and did them himself. He was known for so many things. Not only for helping dot the earth with temples, for traveling far and wide to visit those in need and desiring to see him...countless things will never be forgotten.
One thing that he seemed to reiterate was his List of BE'S:

1. Be grateful.

2. Be smart.

3. Be clean.

4. Be true.

5. Be humble.

6. Be prayerful.

The thing I will remember most is his testimony of the Savior and his love for ALL men. He truly was an inspired man of GOD with a happy, grateful heart and zeal to serve. The only thing I have left to say is to quote the hymn page 19:

"We thank thee Oh God for a Prophet to guide us in these latter days. We thank thee for sending the gospel to lighten our minds with its rays. We thank thee for every blessing bestowed by thy bounteous hands. We feel it a pleasure to serve thee and love to obey thy command."

I know that President Hinckley IS a PROPHET of GOD. I am so grateful for his leadership and council, wisdom, and example. I know that the church is true and is lead and guided by a prophet of the LORD who speaks the word of the LORD and testifies of GOD. I truly and grateful for a prophet that guides me in these latter days.



Thursday, January 24, 2008

When to keep your mouth shut!

Do you ever feel like you don't think before you speak? Usually, when I have done this I say something I regret. This seems to be happening to me a LOT lately. I feel like Meg Ryan during "You've Got Mail" in the scene where she says she never could say what she really thinks, and then when she does she regrets it.

After it is out there, then that is it...you have put it out there. What you say could lead to someone thinking or feeling something you did not intend, and then start a whole slew of things that you would not want. So the lesson here is to not only THINK before we SPEAK, but also to just think about the NICE things that we can say. It is amazing how a nice word will go a long way. I hope it is the NICE things that people remember about me.




video video

DInners Ready--Oh, Just Kidding!


Here is my story, and I hope you get a laugh out of it. So, my sister calls me up and says, I know a good crockpot recipe that you should use sometime. She tells me the ingredients and I realize that I have all the ingredients for this feast. I was so worried about what to make for dinner that I was not going to make it. It is a thing called beef stroganoff .

I wish I could fully express how huge this excitement for this anticipated meal. I was pumped, ready, excited and the anticipation was probably an even bigger build up than the actual meal. I picked Steve up from school and that was the first thing I said to him--"dinner is cooking, I am so excited. It should all be ready by 6."
Ok, so this is too much build up cause we all know what happened right? I decide that I am going to make the noodles as 5:30 and make some rolls. Before I do this, I want to check on our little feast. I look in the pot and see that the meat is still raw...WHAT? How is that possible? Did I do something wrong? The answer is YES! In fact, you need to not only turn it on, but plug it in. Oh yeah, another clue would be if you could smell it cooking, that might give a little hint.

Needless to say I am trying to get a laugh out of it. I actually was quite upset about it at first. I really was looking forward to eating right then. The good news (besides the fact that I am so HILARIOUS) is that it will get eaten, just four hours later and it will be just as good! So, please laugh with me. We have all been there. Or is it just me? The greatest part is that, as usual, my husband has the best attitude about it and will laugh with me...another reason to love him more..

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

One Big Hug.....


I do not care what anyone says...
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE PREGNANT TO BE EMOTIONALLY CHARGED!
Anything, good or bad seems to set me off lately. I feel like I am crying all the time. When I am happy, I am crying, when I am sad, I am crying. I swear I never use to be this bad. I am not going to make excuses, it is just who I am now.
Take this picture below for example:


Steve was just sitting there playing with Andy, and I was watching him cuddle the teddy bear with her and just started crying. I was thinking of how I am truly blessed and I have EVERYTHING I ever wanted and dreamed of. There they are, just in a group hug, giving mommy warm fuzzies all over.
Andy really loves her little Teddy Bear. We are so grateful that Pam gave it to us. It has been so fun to have and watch her interact with. Her joy tends to be mine as well.

We were reading our scriptures together as a family and Andrea decided to take our scripture marker into her own hands. It works better as food I guess than marking pages. Steve and I got a huge kick out of it, as she ripped the ribbon right off. At least she is still listening--right? I try to show her pictures of Jesus every day and explain to her who he is. I think she is truly teaching me more than I am teaching her.

Because I love you....



Today was the big IMMUNIZATION DAY! I know I tend to dramatize things up, but it truly is an ordeal for me. I was crying even before we left. I was very nervous so I asked Steve to give her a blessing (more for my sake, of course). It did the trick (until we got there)...

We added the flu shot on top of all the others and I BEGGED the secretaries to ask the nurses if they could have someone else hold her down during her shots.













See, I did not want to be the bad guy and have her wondering why I let this happen. We went into the room and I asked the nurse myself to get someone else to hold her down. She replied, "You are the mom." I said, "I know, that is the point. Because I am the mom, I want YOU to be the one she associates with pain."

The nurse won out of course, as Andy was given two shots in each leg and screamed the scream of death. I, of course, started crying right along with her. I whispered to her, told her I loved her and because I loved her is why we were doing this. It is better for her to have it done, and something she will understand later. I told her I thought it was probably harder on me.

This got me thinking about how God reacts to our pain. It hurts him to see us in pain, and I know he would do anything to stop it, to take our place. He does not know why we sometimes choose to take the wrong path. I am sure he gets upset with some of our choices.

I have looked at Heavenly Father in a different light after being a parent. I know I can never fully comprehend his love for us, but I feel I understand it in a different way with my child. I think, WOW if GOD loves me and worries about me HALF as much as I do for my baby then WOW... I have never felt such concern, pride, joy and love in the same light as I do for my child. I know he loves me even more. Whenever I think I am doing something that will not bring me close to him, I think of how I would feel if Andy were doing the same thing to her momma.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Doctors, Drugs, and DIABETES (aka insuruance issues)







Today was the BIG 6 MONTH CHECKUP at the doctors. Always an interesting experience, especially since Andy was 5 weeks early.We absolutely LOVE our Doctor. I feel like he is the kind of doctor Steve is going to be. He is always very friendly, concerned, and thorough. He answered ALL of our questions.

-

-Andy is in the 27% for her head at 16.4 in.

--She is in the 49% for her height at 25.8 in.

--Andrea is in 13% for her weight at 14lbs.


Her weight has always been a sensitive subject for me since it is what kept her in the hospital for so long. We are very pleased that she is doing so well. Tomorrow is the big day for the shots. The doctor told us we need to get some fluoride in her vitamins as she will be teething--YIKES!


Having said that, I am going to use my blog to rant for a minute as I am not the happiest person with Health Insurance. It is a catch 22 you see. The only people that can get insurance seem to


be the ones that don't need it. If you are healthy, then you can be insured. If you have a pre-existing condition such as Diabetes and you actually have to spend money in order to live then they won't cover you. Yes, it is all here to help us out let me tell you. My husband never gets sick, does not need to go to the doctor--and he is fully covered (convenient, no one has to do anything).

ME on the other hand, well, I need to go to the doctors frequently yet somehow am not covered for it. I am in a mood and I have been in one my entire life with this. I know complaining never did any good for anyone, but I am just MAD. It is a faulty system. I am upset with it and not sure how to change it. It is not just me, but ANYONE with a preexisting condition. I really don't know how to fix it, or what would be the best way to.

Should we adopt the heath insurance for everyone is the same? Should we make it free? I really don't know, which is why I am putting this out here in the world...
CAN ANYONE TELL ME?


Saturday, January 19, 2008

A "Tragical"day (as Anne Shirley says)

Yesterday I went and put Andy in her little swing chair...I locked everything in place and then for some reason Andy started screaming. I couldn't figure it out. I kept moving things around, she hadn't fallen, i didn't drop anything on her. The more I moved things around, the harder she screamed.

Come to find out, I had locked her little bare skin leg into the lock, her body was clamped into it. I got her out immediately as she did her scream of death. Thank heavens Steve was there because I just lost it after that and started crying myself. I kept rocking her and telling her I was sorry.

I really don't know how to describe what I felt as I looked at my baby and knew I had caused her pain. It took me a while to compose myself and realise I was not a bad mommy and that she would forgive me much faster than I would forgive myself. What a trooper. I don't think I will be putting her in her swing for a while.

Today at church was so hard. For some reason Andy did not want to eat and did not want to stop crying. I tried to take her out and feed her but she kept screaming. So, Steve had a go at it. We eventually had to leave church and come home, hoping there was something we could do. She continued to scream no matter what we tried. We finally let her scream herself to sleep. It was hard. I was worried. We still aren't sure what happened or is going on, perhaps she is teething. Nonetheless, it was a very "tragical" 2 days...

6 Months and more...


Little Andrea Bev turned 6 months old yesterday. She is getting too old and too big for her mom's liking. The turn of this little landmark means that next week is going to be a hard one.
She has her 6 month check up and shots next week. I will post my sad sad feelings about how that makes me feel when that day comes--let's just say I get too emotional to say the least.

PS..like my haircut?
She has already been like many babies before her and loves the technology. I just hold a CELL PHONE out in front of her and she loves to grab at it and push all the buttons. The fake phones won't do. She is too smart for it. She also loves to grab at the remote.

I am getting better at this blogging thing. Today I went to urgent care. I was feeling the same way I felt right after the baby was born when I ended up in ICU. Doctor's offices are closed on Monday and urgent care is only open on sat. So i though I would be safe and check it out. No worries I am fine. Just on pain meds for muscle spasms in my back. The doctor thinks it is from lifting the baby up and down.

As American Idol progresses, i will give my opinions and updates on my blog about it. For now, Seth is going on his mission, and I need to know what you all think about where he is going and when he gets his call and when he will be going as well. Let me know, and I will keep a running poll.

I personally believe he will get it Thursday Jan 31st and he will be called to Brazil and go at the end of March. Now, since we really have no clue...it is still fun. He knows I actually want him to go stateside, spanish speaking. I really think there is something to be said about state side missions. They are very unique and different. They have their own challenge. Either way, I don't think Seth knows just how proud of him I am and excited. A mission is so wonderful, hard, exhilarating and amazing. One day I will do it with my husband. I am glad I had to opportunity to serve in Chicago. It forever changed my life and brought me such insight I would have otherwise not received. I met the most amazing people there and one of my best friends, Rodda. People who have forever changed my life. I was able to learn spanish and grow closer with the Lord. I am so excited bro, your life will never be the same!

Friday, January 18, 2008

A Friday Night






video


Andy is taking a late nap (which means momma won't be sleeping tonight) and Steve is at work, so I thought I would ramble on my blog while I had a minute. I know this is just the beginning of missing Steve as we haven't even started medical school, but I am already struggling with the thought of Steve being gone all the time.


This causes me to think of those who have gone before, those who have been supportive of their loved ones furthering their education and it gives me strength. It makes me know that it is a hard, long road but it is possible.

A weakness of mine is that I have a tendency to reflect my current fears or fears of the future on a problem in the moment that has nothing to do with the moment, thus ruining the best outcome of a current situation. IE..
---When we don't have a lot of time together as a family, I project my future fear of having even LESS time (knowing that as a family gets bigger and a husband is in medical school that will in fact be the case), and let those frustrations emanate and make the situation even harder. Thus, not enjoying the current moments I have and taking advantage of them.

Why do we do this to ourselves? I can blame no one but myself and my weaknesses. My one comfort is that many of my weaknesses are in fact my strengths where it is written in Ether 12:27.

Why when we are coming down on ourselves do we come down on even harder on those around us? I know that I have many weaknesses, but I am learning to trust more in my strengths and capabilities, the talents which I have to offer.

One of my favorite shows is AMERICAN IDOL. I am not sure why. Maybe because it is a talent show, and I just love watching people sing. Maybe it is because I feel that if my entire family, including my husband were to go on we would BLOW them away with the fact that we ALL sing and enjoy it TOGETHER. Maybe it's because I love that others have the courage to put themselves out there and put everything on the line for a dream, to invest in their talents. It causes me to want to do more with my own.

I also enjoy watching Biggest Loser. I laugh at the irony of me sitting and watching OTHER people work out and making an effort to improve their lives, while i am standing by. I have resolved to do my own little exercise program during that program. I am glad that it has motivated me to take my own action and take better care of my self.

Having said that, there is much we all need to do to improve. I am more aware of this having a child than ever. I don't want her to learn bad habits or examples from her mother. I want her to look at her momma as a good example of someone she can be like. I am so grateful I have the gospel that teaches me that it is ok to be me, and i can point my daughter in that direction and tell her about a savior that loves her even more than I do. And because of him, it is ok that we have out weaknesses, as long as we are trying to always improve and be our best. That thought is what gets me through a FRIDAY NIGHT.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Like Daddy, Like Daughter

Steve has this thing in which he ALWAYS has to be doing something...he feels the need to keep busy. He does not like to just sit. Well, our little angel has inherited her daddy's restlessness. She ALWAYS wants to be doing something.
She can't just sit and chill. She has to be bouncing around, standing, or playing flying SUPERBABY with dad. The greates thing is that she is just so happy doing everything that she is doing . I can't imagine life without our little angel.

She has gotten really strong in her legs and seems to want to stand as opposed to sitting. We get a kick out of it!


video

TRUE BLUE BYU--THE FINAL SEMESTER

I get a little nostalgic when I think of Steve and his final semester at BYU. It brings back memories of my final semester. I always said there were a few things you had to do to call yourself a true blue cougar!


1. Hike the Y
2. Attend a BYU football game.
3. Learn the fight song.
4. Take a social dance class--they are so unique at BYU.
5. Attend something musical-again, unique to BYU.
6. Be in a Y-group
7. Get involved with your religion classes.

The list goes on...but those are my top 7. I tell everyone that is what you have to do BEFORE you graduate. Yes, some of those you can do after, but it is something special when you are a student. Going to a game for example, not only is it cheaper but crazier in student seats!

I am so happy that Steve will be done in April, yet part of me is sad. He does not want to do the whole graduation ceremony, but I am making him do it for me. He won't have this opportunity again. I never thought after I graduated and left Provo that I would be back. Now I am really going to miss it.

Steve takes the MCAT in April and off to medical school next year. We are applying everywhere. Particularly where we know people. For now, I am Ms. Mom to our little pride and joy and spend most of my days playing with her and on the phone to insurance companies and hospitals--maybe I should get paid to do it.

Steve and I have been more diligent in our scripture study and have been loving every second of it. We look forward to it every day and have noticed the spirit is more present in our home as we are trying our hardest to invite it in. I encourage you all to try for a new zeal with the scriptures. Even when we are half out of it, we feel that our efforts have made all the difference. Especially since it is very little time that we are together as a family as Steve is going everywhere. What better time spent then reading together as a family?

This is a great little rant, and I have no pics to add today. So with that thought, I need to get back to my little gal who is crying for her momma and making me melt!